John Osborne

No-one Cares About Your New Thing


Every now and again it's a pleasure to bring to life an object that would otherwise not exist.

And here's a wonderful example of such a thing - a book of poetry from John Osborne - with illustrations by Katie Pope.

John sent me some poems at the end of last year and I read one as I was in the middle of composing an email saying we didn't really do that type of thing. The next thing I knew I was laughing then crying and generally having my insides mushed up.

So we thought this would make an idea stocking filler. Of course, because of our need to subvert the process, the book was released a month and a day after Christmas on the 26th Jan.

Here's what you can read if you turn to page 12 in the book.

Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter Dave Webster.

Bored of celebrities giving their kids unusual names
Gwyneth Paltrow calls her next daughter Dave Webster.

She is so beautiful. Beautiful Dave Webster.
She has her mother’s hair.

‘It’s not Dave - it’s Dave Webster,’ Gwyneth says sharply.
‘I’m sorry if that sounds pretentious.’

Can you believe Dave Webster is eleven already!
She’s growing up so quickly.

‘That’s a pretty name,’ a guy in a bar says
but Dave Webster’s heard it all before.

Dave Webster admits to being a big Coldplay fan.
She really loves British culture. Especially ‘soccer.’

Dave Webbo Webster wearing a Man Utd shirt
is the most Instagrammed photo of the year

and she's started playing five a side
with Rihanna's daughter, Brian and Julie Williams.

John Osborne

No-one Cares About Your New Thing

Purchase Options

More from John Osborne

Deluxe Editions

A lovely, engaging writer finding the joyous in the everyday
Stuart Maconie

His work has a winning gentleness, a seductive voice that draws you in, ensnares you and captivates you.
Ian McMillan

Sits somewhere between Tom Wrigglesworth and Daniel Kitson. I could have listened for hours
The Independent

Further Info

Technical Info

poems - 20
pages - 52
illustrations - 7

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